After the Breakup: 5 Ways to Implement the No Contact Rule
After your breakup, the No Contact Rule is a critical tool in mending your heart, getting back on your feet and moving in the direction you want to go.
The No Contact Rule is exactly as it sounds, no contact with your former partner for at least 90 days. It is a boundary that sends a clear signal that you are taking your power back, that you care about yourself and that you will do what is best for you.
Depending on how you ended the relationship, the idea of implementing the No Contact Rule may fall somewhere on the scale between, “Good! I never want to talk to that jerk again.” – to – “This is too hard, I can never do it, I mean, what if they want to get back together?”
Regardless of how the breakup went down, including if you both agreed this was the best thing for both of you, pulling the trigger on the No Contact Rule is the most powerful action you can take on your own behalf.
“What if I have kids with my former partner?”
The No Contact Rule can still apply even if you have kids; you just need to modify it a bit. You will coordinate schedules, pick-ups and drop-offs, custody exchanges and school activities, but keep discussions brief, professional and to the point. No chit-chat allowed!
Here are 5 ways to implement the No Contact Rule:
- Avoid chance meetings in person.
Now that you are riding solo it is natural to feel like visiting the places you used to go together. These can be places like coffee shops, the gym, church or a bar & grill. Finding your new independent identity means that you will need to establish new routines and locations to visit.
If you haven’t already worked out with your former partner who will continue to go to a place you shared, then it is up to you to pick a new place, or choose a completely different time, when you know your former partner will not be there.
- Cut all phone calls.
We don’t talk on the phone as much as we used to, but this is not the time to chat it up with your former partner.
Block their number completely. Even if you have kids together, there are other methods for your former partner to get in touch with you, outside of the phone call.
- No texting.
Texting is interpreted by the reader based on their mood and what they are reading between the few lines of the text. You can forgo any bad feelings that might come from texting, and cut the temptation of sending a text to your ex completely by blocking them. You will not receive the text, nor will you be tempted to send one when emotions flare.
- Forget the email.
Email can be a last resort method of communication with your former partner if you have children, but if kids are not involved, then setup a rule so all of their emails are moved directly to the junk or trash folder. Do not read or send email.
- Overcome the social media challenge.
Social media can be the trickiest because you may be connected through mutual friends and see pictures or receive posts with your ex tagged in the post.
The first step is to unfriend them so they cannot see one another posts. If you want to block them completely, then do it! The second step is to unfollow mutual friends that are closely associated with your ex so their posts will not show up in your feed.
Do not be tempted to stock them! This can be an incredibly emotional time, and it can be especially hurtful if they post pictures with someone new. Read my blog post After the Breakup: 7 Ways to Not Break the No Contact Rule for tips on staying strong through this difficult time.
You can do this! You are building your strength and these 90 days are really important to help you build up your emotional, spiritual and mental muscles to fully love and accept yourself. You are an amazing person and the end of this relationship does not mean that you are a failure. This is your time to focus on you and the things you love.
You are stronger than you think you are, and you worthy of having a partner to love and respect you, and the relationship. You will not be alone forever, if you want a loving intimate relationship you can absolutely have one.
You’ve got this! I believe in you!